In recent conversations, prominent Nigerian women have candidly discussed the dating double standards single parents face. These real-life perspectives reflect broader societal biases that deserve a fresh, empathetic, and fact-rich reframe.
The Double Standards: Preference or Prejudice?
Kaffy, the celebrated Nigerian dancer and choreographer, revealed in a recent interview that a man declined to date her solely because she is a single mother of two.
In contrast, another 45-year-old woman, Tiwa, was upfront about her choice—not to date a single father because she still wants more children of her own.
Yet the reactions differ: when women express such preferences, it's regarded as 'natural'; when men say it, it's often labeled insensitive.
Kaffy’s Insight: A Stronger Partner?
Kaffy, having weathered divorce and self-growth, raised a vital question: “What makes you think a divorced woman who has worked on herself isn't a better partner?” It’s a compelling reminder that experience and resilience can uplift—not diminish—a relationship's potential.
The Reality of Relationship Dynamics
Parenting from a prior union undeniably impacts dating decisions for both men and women.
It's crucial to treat single parents with respect—they’re not “damaged” or less worthy of love.
But for those who feel single parenthood doesn’t align with their life goals, it's okay to be selective—preferences are valid, not shameful.
Beyond the Personal: The Divorce Landscape in Nigeria
Let’s ground this conversation in data and social context:
Nigeria’s divorce rate was approximately 2.9% in 2023, or about 1.8 divorces per 1,000 people, ranking the country 11th among those with high divorce rates globally .
One study examining 2006 census data revealed the crude marital dissolution rate in Nigeria was around 11 per 1,000 population, with 29.5 per 1,000 among those ever married .
Urban centers like Kano have seen alarming trends: in one 2022 BBC study, 32% of marriages ended within 3 to 6 months .
Experts also identify key triggers for marital instability—infidelity, financial strain, miscommunication, unchecked expectations, and lack of preparation for marriage .
Why Second Marriages Often Face Higher Risks
Contrary to popular belief, remarrying doesn't always mean more stability:
In Western data, second marriages may have lower divorce risk than first ones—but they’re still vulnerable, especially when blended families and past issues carry over .
Personal experiences echo this:
> “Statistics say 50% of all first marriages end in Divorce... 70% of second marriages fail, even higher for third.”
“They brought bitter baggage with them... People who have divorced before are more likely to divorce again.”
Final Thoughts & Advice for Singles
Single parents—own your story. Your journey is unique, and your experiences give you strength and depth.
Preferences aren’t shaming. If you’d prefer a partner without children, that’s a personal choice—don’t let guilt define it.
Seek self-awareness and readiness—whether in your first relationship or subsequent ones, working on yourself matters more than marital counts.
Dating is not a competition. “Don’t start a game at 0–2”—you don’t need to tackle parenting, baggage, and romance all at once. Start with someone who complements your life, not complicates it.
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