Are Relationships in Nigeria Becoming Entirely Transactional? A Deep Dive into Modern Dating, Gender Dynamics, and Economic Realities
I don’t know exactly where the world is headed — and it often feels like Nigeria is right there in the eye of the storm.
A few nights ago, my friend and I were walking through Bodija around 10 p.m. and encountered a group of young women who immediately caught our attention. They were dressed modestly, approachable, and friendly — and to our surprise, they were willing to share their phone numbers after my friend casually asked, “Can we be friends?”
But then something unexpected happened. A mutual acquaintance — who happened to be visiting his godfather across the street — recognized one of the girls. He explained that she wasn’t “just a nice girl out for a stroll,” but that she and her friends worked at Sluggers Lounge, and “she controls the girls for us” — implying that they were essentially part of a paid companion or nightlife service.
My friend said he was interested in one of these girls he had the number of — but was shocked when the acquaintance told us bluntly that to “get down with her” would cost ₦40,000. That put everything into perspective: what had initially seemed like a casual social interaction was deeply transactional.
This has left me wondering: Is this truly where modern relationships in Nigeria are headed? And if so, why? Are traditional morals eroding? Or is this phenomenon rooted in deeper socioeconomic issues?
Below, I break down this emerging reality — using verified research, cultural context, and social trends — to explore how transactional dynamics have reshaped relationships and dating culture in Nigeria today.
What Is Transactional Sex?
Transactional sex refers to relationships where sex or companionship is exchanged for money or material benefits. It’s important to differentiate transactional sex from commercial sex work: in transactional relationships, there may not be formal payment per encounter, but there is an expectation of financial or material support in exchange for intimacy.
This type of relationship is not unique to Nigeria — it exists all over the world wherever economic vulnerability intersects with gender norms and social expectations. But in Nigeria, the dynamics are especially pronounced.
Research on Transactional Relationships in Nigeria
Studies on Nigerian university campuses have revealed that transactional sex is a widespread phenomenon, driven largely by economic hardship, peer influence, and the desire for social mobility.
In research conducted among female undergraduates, transactional sex emerged as both a survival strategy and a status-seeking behavior — with young women exchanging sexual favors for social and economic benefits.
Another study highlights how digitalization and social networks have inadvertently facilitated transactional relationships, connecting students and partners for financial gain or material support.
These relationships aren’t always labeled as “prostitution” — terms like “runs girls” or “aristos” (wealthy benefactors) are often used in social narratives.
Researchers have also linked transactional sex to broader social issues, such as lack of adequate family support, poverty, and peer pressures — all of which can push young people into exploitative or economically motivated relationships.
Why Is This Happening? Underlying Causes
1. Economic Hardship and Limited Opportunities
Nigeria’s youth unemployment and underemployment rates continue to be high. When young women (and men) struggle to secure stable, well-paying jobs, they may turn to alternative ways to earn money — including transactional relationships.
Many students and young adults lack sufficient financial support, and some engage in these arrangements to pay for school fees, rent, or even basic necessities. Studies show that transactional sex often functions as a coping mechanism for economic survival.
2. The Influence of Social Norms and Peer Dynamics
Peer influence cannot be ignored. Young people often model behaviors seen in their friends or social circles. When peers normalize receiving money or gifts in exchange for companionship or intimacy, it can blur ethical boundaries around relationships.
One qualitative account notes that some find these transactional arrangements “critical survival strategies” rather than taboo.
3. Digital Platforms and Social Media Influence
With the proliferation of smartphones, dating apps, and social media, meeting friends or partners has never been easier — but neither has connecting with strangers for transactional purposes.
Digital platforms often carry coded terms and expectations where financial compensation or material gifts are expected simply for basic social interactions — especially among mobile-savvy youth.
Is This a Moral Failure or Social Reality?
Some critics claim that modern dating in Nigeria has lost its moral compass, reducing relationships to pure transactions. But to understand why this narrative persists, we need to recognize that:
Many young people don’t have financial independence.
Some lack family support or stable economic environments to pursue genuine relationships.
Others view transactional arrangements less as prostitution and more as a means of survival or career investment strategy.
This is echoed online, where many young Nigerians discuss the increasing perception that relationships are defined by material exchange rather than emotional connection — not just from women, but from men too, who may feel pressured to provide traditional markers of value (money, gifts, stability) in order to be seen as desirable.
Beyond the Stereotypes: A Broader Look at Relationships
While transactional dynamics are real and visible, it would be wrong to suggest that all Nigerian relationships are solely transactional. Many people still seek genuine love, companionship, and emotional connection — often without financial conditions attached.
However, socioeconomic inequalities — such as gender differences in employment opportunities, wage gaps, and unemployment — fuel conditions where transactional relationships become more common. Research on economic vulnerability shows that young women often find themselves financially dependent on male partners, sometimes at the cost of autonomy, dignity, or safety.
What Does This Mean for the Future of Relationships in Nigeria?
1. Redefining Value Beyond Money
To shift the narrative, there must be a cultural effort to redefine what people value in relationships. Emotional support, mutual respect, shared goals, and partnership should be prioritized over purely material exchanges.
2. Economic Empowerment and Education
If young women and men had better access to education, mentorship, employment opportunities, and financial independence, the economic drivers of transactional relationships could diminish. Structural issues — like poverty and lack of employment — lie at the heart of this dynamic.
3. Honest Conversations About Expectations
Young adults need safe spaces to talk about healthy relationships, expectations, boundaries, and the importance of consent, respect, and emotional compatibility. These discussions should be integrated into community dialogues, schools, and even digital spaces.
Conclusion: What We’re Really Facing
The story from Bodija isn’t just a quirky late-night encounter — it’s a mirror reflecting a larger social trend that’s been studied, debated, and lived by many Nigerians.
Yes, transactional dynamics in modern relationships exist, and they are driven by economic realities, social pressures, and shifting cultural norms. But this doesn’t mean love is dead — it means we have to have better conversations, support economic empowerment, and make room for relationships that are defined by more than just money.
Because at the end of the day, a society where genuine connection thrives is one where people are valued for who they are — not what they can pay or gain.
0 Comments