There are moments in life when people hurt us, betray our trust, disappoint us or do things that leave deep emotional wounds. Sometimes, the pain can be so strong that we hold on to the wrongdoing for years, believing that refusing to forgive is a way of making the offender pay.
But the truth is that unforgiveness can become a burden carried primarily by the person who refuses to let go.
When you continue holding on to wrongdoings, betrayals, hurts and pain, you are not necessarily releasing the other person from the consequences of what they did. Instead, you may be repeatedly exposing yourself to the emotional pain associated with the experience.
Unforgiveness can produce resentment, bitterness, anger and hostility. Medical guidance also recognises that prolonged grudges can affect emotional well-being, contribute to stress and anxiety, and interfere with relationships and the ability to enjoy the present. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can help people move forward. Importantly, forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened, excusing harmful behaviour or automatically reconciling with someone who hurt you.
Don't Let Your Pain Make You Hate Your Present
Never hate the country where you are. Don't hate where you are domiciled simply because of what you have experienced there. Don't allow disappointment, betrayal or difficult circumstances to make you despise your present location or circumstances.
Sometimes, the person who hurt you has already moved on while you remain emotionally imprisoned by what happened.
Even more painful is the fact that some people eventually refuse to forgive themselves. They continue punishing themselves over past mistakes, failures and decisions, refusing to believe that they deserve another opportunity to move forward.
But forgiveness must sometimes begin with yourself.
The Bible's Message About Forgiveness
The Christian faith does not deny that people will hurt one another. In fact, Scripture acknowledges that disagreements and quarrels can occur even among believers.
Colossians 3:13 instructs Christians to bear with one another and forgive grievances, just as the Lord has forgiven them.
Matthew 18:15 also provides a practical principle for dealing with offences: when someone wrongs you, the matter should be addressed rather than allowed to grow into resentment. Matthew 18:17 further addresses situations where reconciliation becomes difficult.
Jesus also connected forgiveness with prayer. Mark 11:25 teaches that when we stand praying, we should forgive anyone against whom we have a grievance.
This does not mean that every unanswered prayer can simply be attributed to unforgiveness. Rather, Scripture makes forgiveness an important part of the believer's spiritual posture.
Don't Live for Revenge
The Bible says that vengeance belongs to God. Romans 12:19 reminds believers not to take revenge but to leave room for God's judgment.
Yes, vengeance can sometimes appear sweet. When someone hurts us, there can be a strong desire to make that person experience the same pain. But living with the mindset that “one day I will get my revenge” keeps the offender permanently present in your heart.
If your future is built around revenge, you are still allowing the person who hurt you to control part of your life.
Let go.
Don't spend your precious energy planning how to repay someone. Instead, focus on building a bigger and better life for yourself and your family. Your greatest response may be to heal, succeed, grow and move forward.
Unforgiveness Can Drain Your Energy
Ephesians 4:31 urges believers to put away bitterness, anger, rage, malice and related destructive behaviours, while the following verse calls for kindness, compassion and forgiveness.
When you operate continuously in unforgiveness, your emotional energy can become consumed by the past. You replay conversations, remember betrayals, imagine revenge and repeatedly ask yourself why someone treated you the way they did.
That emotional cycle can prevent you from giving your best to your work, relationships, family and future.
How Do You Let Go of Unforgiveness?
Pray for grace. Forgiving some offences is difficult. Ask God for the strength and grace to release the bitterness.
Set healthy boundaries. Forgiveness does not mean becoming vulnerable to repeated abuse or continuing to tolerate foolishness. You can forgive someone while maintaining appropriate distance and protecting yourself.
Stop feeding revenge. You don't have to forget the lesson, but you can stop feeding the desire for retaliation.
Choose your future. Your past may explain some of your pain, but it should not be allowed to determine the rest of your life.
Forgiveness is often a process rather than a single emotional moment. Even when the memory remains, the decision to release resentment can gradually reduce its control over you.
Don't allow somebody else's wrongdoing to become your lifelong burden. Forgive, learn, establish healthy boundaries and forge ahead. Your future deserves your energy more than your past does.
This article was inspired by and documented from notes taken during today's Sunday Service at Shelter Rock Christian Center, under the ministration of Apostle Oluleye Alli.
0 Comments