Whatever you see in your life that is undesirable, you must be willing to work on it. Personal growth begins with identifying the things within us that need correction, healing and transformation.
One of the most destructive emotional burdens people carry is bitterness. Many people have been offended, betrayed, disappointed or hurt by others. While being hurt is sometimes unavoidable, allowing that hurt to develop into resentment and bitterness is a different matter entirely.
OFFENCE, RESENTMENT AND BITTERNESS
Scripture: Luke 17:1
Jesus acknowledged that offences and stumbling blocks would inevitably come. Nobody is perfect, and human relationships will sometimes produce disappointment, misunderstanding and pain.
Therefore, being offended by someone's actions is not necessarily the problem. You have every right to acknowledge when someone has hurt you, express your displeasure and establish healthy boundaries. However, remaining trapped in that experience, continuously nursing the pain and refusing to let go is where the real danger begins.
Resentment develops when you repeatedly nurture an offence. You replay the incident in your mind, remember the words spoken against you and revisit the circumstances that caused your pain. Eventually, resentment can grow into bitterness, changing how you perceive people and interpret their actions.
You begin to wear the garment of resentment, viewing others through the unpleasant experience of one individual.
For instance, a woman who has been betrayed by an unfaithful partner may begin to believe that all men are cheats. Similarly, a man who has experienced infidelity in his marriage may begin to generalise that all women, or even women in a particular profession, are unfaithful.
This is how bitterness distorts judgement. One person's wrongdoing becomes the standard by which innocent people are judged.
BITTERNESS IS A ROOT THAT DEFILES
Scripture: Hebrews 12:15
The Bible warns believers to be careful that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, thereby defiling many.
Unfortunately, many people carry emotional baggage from their childhood, parents, marriages, friendships and past relationships. Some have allowed years of unresolved family disagreements, betrayal and disappointment to determine how they relate with others.
Bitterness does not always remain between the person who caused the offence and the person who suffered it. It can spread into families, friendships, workplaces, communities and even religious organisations.
This is why forgiveness is important. It is not necessarily an endorsement of wrongdoing, nor does it mean allowing someone to repeatedly abuse or disrespect you. Rather, forgiveness is a conscious decision to stop allowing another person's actions to control your emotional life.
DON'T INHERIT SOMEONE ELSE'S ENEMIES
One area where bitterness has become particularly visible is Nigerian politics.
Politics should be about competing ideas, leadership, policies and the development of society. Unfortunately, political differences have turned friendships into rivalries and ordinary disagreements into lifelong hostility.
There have been occasions when political leaders who belong to opposing camps have maintained cordial personal and family relationships despite their political differences.
For instance, former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar attended the wedding of President Muhammadu Buhari's daughter, Zahra, in December 2016. Their political differences did not prevent such social interaction.
Yet, some supporters behave as though they must inherit every political disagreement involving their preferred leaders.
Imagine someone saying, "He belongs to APM, so don't give him the job," or "He is APC, so don't give him an opportunity."
Why should someone's political affiliation automatically determine whether they deserve friendship, employment, assistance or fair treatment?
You can disagree with someone's political choices without becoming their enemy. You can support different candidates without destroying relationships.
Don't inherit someone else's enemy.
BITTERNESS CAN ROB YOU OF THE ABILITY TO CELEBRATE OTHERS
One of the unfortunate consequences of bitterness is that it makes celebrating other people's achievements difficult.
Instead of appreciating another person's progress, you begin to search for reasons to discredit them. Their success becomes an irritation, their happiness becomes uncomfortable, and their opportunities become something you resent.
This is an unhealthy way to live.
Stop feeding resentment. Stop nurturing revenge. Do not allow somebody else's actions to turn you into a person you were never meant to become.
Scripture: Ephesians 4:31–32
The Apostle Paul instructs believers to put away bitterness, wrath, anger, malice and evil speaking, encouraging them instead to be kind, tender-hearted and forgiving towards one another.
BITTERNESS IS ALSO A SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL BONDAGE
Scripture: Acts 8:20–23
In Acts 8:23, Apostle Peter describes Simon's spiritual condition using the expression "gall of bitterness" and "bond of iniquity."
The passage provides a serious warning about allowing the heart to become corrupted by wickedness and spiritual bondage.
Beyond its spiritual implications, unresolved resentment and prolonged hostility can also affect emotional well-being. Research published in Psychology & Health in 2019, involving 103 independent samples and over 26,000 participants, found an association between forgiveness and better health outcomes, particularly psychological well-being. Another study published in 2016 found that increased forgiveness was associated with reduced perceived stress and improved mental health.
This does not mean bitterness directly causes every illness, but it reinforces the importance of emotional well-being.
CONCLUSION: CHOOSE FORGIVENESS, CHOOSE FREEDOM
You cannot always control what people do to you, but you can take responsibility for how you respond.
Do not allow yesterday's disappointment to destroy today's opportunities. Do not punish innocent people for the sins of someone else. Do not turn political differences into personal hatred, and do not allow resentment to become your identity.
Forgiveness is a decision, not necessarily a feeling. Sometimes, you must make that decision even when the emotions have not completely healed.
Remember: you can forgive someone and still maintain your boundaries. You can let go without reconnecting. You can move forward without pretending that nothing happened.
Do not allow the person who offended you to determine the kind of person you become.
This article was inspired by a sermon preached by Apostle Oluleye Alli at Shelter Rock Christian Centre (SRCC).
Biblical references: Song of Solomon 2:15; Luke 17:1–4; Hebrews 12:15; Ephesians 4:31–32; Acts 8:20–23.
Research references: Psychology & Health (2019), Meta-analytic Connections Between Forgiveness and Health; PubMed (2016), Forgiveness, Stress and Health Study.
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