Do you know what I have noticed so far? Society is not always fair, and sometimes even the institutions we expect to strengthen families appear to fall short of that responsibility.
The Church, for example, has an important role to play in shaping families, strengthening marriages and helping people navigate difficult seasons. Yet there is a growing concern that some churches can become more focused on increasing membership, expanding ministries and raising resources than on addressing the broken relationships and family challenges sitting directly among their congregations.
Walk into many churches today and you will find separated, divorced, remarried and struggling individuals. Many of these people eventually become new members of congregations. But the question is: how much effort is being made to understand what happened in their previous relationships, address unresolved family issues and, where reconciliation is possible and appropriate, help rebuild broken homes?
This is not an accusation against every church or pastor. Many churches provide counselling, marriage programmes and practical support. In fact, Barna's recent research identifies marriage support, parenting guidance and pastoral care as important opportunities for churches to strengthen families. Its 2025 research also reported that 18% of U.S. adults surveyed had experienced divorce, while more than half of divorced adults had remarried.
The bigger question, therefore, is whether the Church should do more than simply welcome people after families have broken down. Shouldn't it also invest more deliberately in helping couples build healthier marriages before they reach that point?
Marriage Should Be a Partnership
Couples are supposed to work together to build their families. Husband and wife are partners, and each spouse should contribute according to their capacity, ability, circumstances and opportunities.
You cannot give what you do not have, and I cannot give what I cannot provide.
Marriage should therefore not become a competition over who earns more, who pays more bills or who carries greater financial responsibility. It should be a partnership in which both people understand that the ultimate objective is to build a stable home and raise a healthy family.
The Bible describes the woman in Genesis 2:18 as a "helper suitable" for the man. Other translations describe her as a counterpart, companion or partner.
That description should not be interpreted as meaning that a woman is inferior or incapable. Rather, it can be understood as describing complementarity: two people bringing different strengths, abilities and contributions into one household.
Is the Man Biblically Required to Be the Sole Provider?
This is where many modern arguments about marriage become complicated.
There is no verse that simply states that the husband must be the sole financial provider for every family under every circumstance. Scripture does place serious responsibilities on husbands. Ephesians 5 describes the husband as the head of the wife while simultaneously commanding husbands to love their wives sacrificially, care for them and treat them as their own bodies. The passage also begins with the broader principle of mutual submission.
Therefore, leadership in a Christian home should not be confused with financial domination.
A man's responsibility as a husband is not merely to bring money home. Leadership involves responsibility, sacrifice, protection, decision-making, accountability, love and service.
At the same time, a wife's contribution should not be reduced to a salary.
Some women are the strongest support systems behind their husbands' success. Some provide financially. Some manage the home and children. Some create relationships and connections that open doors for their husbands. Some provide emotional stability. Some contribute expertise, ideas, business opportunities or social networks that ultimately benefit the entire family.
And sometimes, nobody outside the marriage even knows what that woman has contributed.
When Earning More Becomes a Problem
One of the unnecessary pressures in modern relationships is the assumption that a man must always earn more than his wife.
What happens when the woman earns more?
What happens when she becomes more financially successful?
What happens when her connections create opportunities that significantly improve the family's circumstances?
These situations should not automatically become threats to the husband's identity or authority.
A marriage should not collapse because one partner earns more.
The real issue should be whether both spouses understand their responsibilities and are committed to building the family together.
The Bible's picture of marriage involves distinct responsibilities, but it also emphasizes love, unity and mutual commitment. Ephesians 5:21-33 does not present leadership as permission for selfishness; instead, it places an extraordinarily demanding standard of sacrificial love on the husband.
The Woman's Role in the Home Matters Too
Women naturally play a significant role in managing the home, raising children and supporting the husband and family. That contribution should not be dismissed simply because it does not always appear as a salary on a payslip.
A woman may be the person holding the household together while the man concentrates on providing leadership and pursuing opportunities outside the home.
But the reverse can also happen.
Circumstances change. Businesses fail. Jobs disappear. Illness, economic hardship or unexpected responsibilities can alter what each spouse is capable of contributing.
That is why marriage should be built around partnership rather than rigid financial formulas.
The Church Must Teach Families, Not Just Gather Members
If the Church truly wants to strengthen society, it must pay attention to what happens inside families.
It should teach young people about marriage before they marry. It should provide meaningful premarital counselling. It should help couples understand communication, money, parenting, intimacy, responsibility and conflict resolution. And when marriages experience serious problems, churches should provide responsible pastoral and professional support where appropriate.
The reality is that divorced and separated people are already part of religious communities. Pew Research Center's 2023-24 Religious Landscape Study, for example, shows that divorced and separated adults include substantial numbers who identify as Christians.
So the Church cannot simply talk about family from the pulpit while ignoring the families sitting in its congregation.
The family needs more than sermons. It needs understanding, accountability, sacrifice, counselling, partnership and practical support.
Marriage is not supposed to be a battle over who is more important.
It is supposed to be two people using what they have, according to their capacity, to build something bigger than either individual: a family.
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